The Nerd and the Necromancer
by Merciless Angels Never Cry
Summary: How hard can it be to be friends with someone who has dissected you, has his dead wife under his coat and can raise an army of skeletons? Shouldn't be too difficult. The usual antics, as you'd expect. Please R&R.
1. Guten Morgen?

**Author's Note: **I own nothing, although I wish I owned Faust, Morty and Yoh…Amidamaru as well! But especially Faust!X3 First Shaman King fanfic, so don't be too harsh!;) Enjoy! xx

* * *

><p>Morty felt an arm shake him. He groaned, turning over in his bed, refusing to get up. But the shaking persisted, getting a little faster as time passed. For a second, Morty thought that it was Anna, but that idea was quickly squashed. If it was her, she would have whooped his ass till morning comes. Hell, it would be till next year.<p>

'Wha…?' the small boy groaned, clutching the soft white sheets with his tiny hands.

'Morty,' a soft voice called, Morty couldn't place a name on it at first. 'Morty…time to wake up. You'll miss breakfast and a boy like you needs all the energy he needs to grow healthy and strong.'

Morty turned around, his eyes widening and he screamed. He scurried to the corner of the room, pressing up against the wall as if he could escape further from the man of his nightmares by pushing against the cool surface.

The tall man stood up, an apologetic smile crossing his pale face. He scratched the back of his head, his blonde locks shaking slightly. His blue eyes piercing through Morty's soul, or was he just imagining it, he could have had another dose of morphine. He rubbed the dark bags under his eyes, still drowsy. His discoloured lips spoke, 'Guten Morgen! Wie geht's dir?'

Morty just stared at the necromancer, what the hell did he say? Was it some sort of chant that causes skeletons to pop out of nowhere? Morty shuddered at the memory of when they met Faust first in the graveyard. Faust looked at the poor, frightened young boy, his perfectly thin eyebrows raised up in confusion, but soon fell down when he remembered that no one in the group knew any word of his native tongue. Only Eliza, his beloved Eliza. He snapped out of his idyllic thoughts and smiled at him.

'I said how are you?' Faust chuckled softly, reverting back to Japanese. Once he saw how pale the poor misfortune was, he frowned. 'Morty, are you feeling alright? You look like you're going to pass out.'

He walked over, Morty's little feet rubbing frantically across the wooden floor. Faust took off a white glove and was about to press it up against his forehead, when Morty ran out the room, practically crying for Yoh.

The German necromancer stood up and sighed. Ryo and Chocolove walked in, looking at Faust.

'What's up with Mort?' Ryo asked, knowing how much Morty feared Faust after needlessly dissecting him, but he was going to give him the benefit of the doubt none the less. Faust just shrugged.

'Miss Anna told me to wake him up for breakfast, he looked sick so I went over to feel his forehead and then he just ran out the room screaming, as you saw,' Faust explained, his eyes furrowing in concentration as to why the dwarf might have acted like that.

'He'll be fine,' Chocolove laughed. 'You know the little guy, freaking out over everything.'

Faust tilted his head, 'Did I do something wrong…?'

The other two froze, thinking of ways to answer him without getting themselves under Faust's wrath…and scalpel.


	2. The Talk

**Author's Note: **Yay, another chapter! By the way, I've only seen the English anime, so that's why I'm using the English names, but I suppose that doesn't really matter so hehe. Well, here is another funny situation between Faust and Morty, poor Morty… Please review. xx

* * *

><p>Jun stormed into the kitchen, barely noticing Faust sitting at the table, sipping a mug of black coffee the aromas tickling his nose. He rubbed his eyes as the green haired older sister of Tsao Ren sat down next to him, holding a warm cup of herbal tea in her hands. Whatever way he looked up he saw the Chinese beauty frown as she stared into her cup. It wasn't that he took any romantic interest in her, he had his eyes only on one blonde haired beauty, but he still couldn't deny that she was pretty. His striking blue eyes studied her before speaking in a soft drowsy voice, 'Is something wrong Miss Jun?'<p>

The younger woman looked up at the doctor, a little taken back but smiled politely, 'Oh, it's nothing…thanks for your concern Faust.'

Faust wasn't convinced. He wasn't one to pry into another person's problems unless they wanted his help (which was rare), but this piqued his curiosity, Jun was never usually like this. 'But something seems to be bothering you,' he persisted.

Jun sighed, it was Faust she was talking to, insane as he was, he meant well deep down. Plus, if she was going to tell anyone about what happened, she would have wanted Faust. One, he was the only mature adult in the group apart from her. Two, he was a doctor so he might be able to resolve the situation.

'Well,' she hesitated, still finding the proper words to explain to explain this embarrassing situation, especially to a man. 'I went into my room and found Yoh, Trey and Morty going through my…you know…'

She glanced up at Faust frowning, not quite getting what she was talking about. She let out a deep breath, eyes downcast as she mumbled, 'My undergarments…'

Faust nodded and smiled, 'I can see why you are upset over this, however I sure they just acted that way out of curiosity, they're at that awkward age. It's perfectly natural, however that doesn't excuse them for what they did.'

Jun took in his words, but remembered something. 'While they were going through my…stuff, Morty seemed to be the only one of the three that seemed kind of innocent…' Then she got a brainwave. 'Faust?'

Faust took another sip of his coffee and nodded slightly, urging her to go on. 'I was thinking,' Jun began. 'I say Trey and Yoh have gotten it, but I have a feeling that Morty didn't…'

The necromancer looked perplexed and Jun continued, 'You know…the talk.'

Faust nodded but was slightly confused, Jun sighed. 'I think someone should talk to him about it.'

Faust just hummed in response, flicking through a few pages of some medical book he had on the table. 'Well, I guess he's at that age,' Faust said absent-mindedly, his blue eyes scanning the pages. Great, he still hadn't taken the hint.

'I think,' Jun began, 'that he should hear it from someone who has more knowledge about this. Let's say; a doctor?'

Faust's ears pricked up once he heard that magic word, like he had many times before. He beamed up at her, this could be his chance. He doubted sadly that he would tell his own children about the birds and he bees with Eliza; this could be his only opportunity. 'Why I would be delighted,' he almost sang. Jun giggled, she kind of had pity for poor Morty.

* * *

><p><strong>Two hours later…<strong>

Yoh and Morty closed the door behind them, taking off their soaked rain jackets. They had been going out for a walk and Morty was explaining to Yoh that Faust scared him and that it wasn't a good idea to let him join. Yoh sighed, he knew why his short friend feared the German necromancer but he changed. He tried to reason with the petrified dwarf that Faust meant no harm. He remembered how Faust apologized to him, kneeling before him, crystalline tears falling down his pale cheeks, both mixed with the joy of being reunited with his beloved wife and the guilt that he felt for the crimes he had committed to the innocents who had the misfortunate chance of facing him. But he was passed all that now, sure he was still struggling to fight his demons but he had improved himself in so many ways and Yoh believed in him. Plus, Faust protected them when other shamans threatened to destroy them and he was always there when they were sick.

'He's just trying to be friends with you Mort,' Yoh smiled brightly. 'He's a changed man and he does have the best intentions in heart. Just try to be friends with him.'

'Yeah I guess,' Morty mumbled, not taking any notice of the tall figure that was standing behind him.

Yoh looked up at him and smiled, 'Hey Faust!' Morty turned different shades of pale.

Faust smiled back at him and looked down at Morty, 'Why hello Yoh. Oh Morty, can we have a small talk?' Morty looked up at him and nodded, trying to take Yoh's advice. Faust led the small boy into the living room, sat down on the sofa and urged Morty to come over. Morty was about to climb up on the couch when Faust's bony hands grabbed him by the waist, lifted him up and placed him on his lap. One hand held the squirming dwarf while the other reached over and grabbed a book. Morty stopped and looked at the cover of the book. "How the Body Works: Sex Edition." Morty's face paled again and his eyes widened incredulously. He wasn't. He was! THE SEX TALK!

'Um Faust,' Morty stammered, still staring at the book. 'I already know-'

'Don't be ridiculous,' Faust smiled, opening the first page which contained very, ahem, graphic illustrations. 'Even if you do, there's no harm in running over it again.'

As Faust explained different parts of the body and their functions, Yoh stood there at the door, dumbstruck. Trey tapped him on the shoulder and asked him if he was alright. Yoh turned around, still shocked 'Faust is giving Morty the talk.'

Trey tilted his head, 'What talk?'

'You know the talk'

'Oh you mean The Talk,' Trey started to giggle.

Amidamaru popped up beside Yoh and looked perplexed, 'What talk?'

Yoh started to laugh, 'Faust is giving Morty THE talk!' When his guardian spirit still looked confused, he pointed at the two looking at the book. They burst out laughing once they saw Morty frantically trying to escape Faust's grip as the necromancer explained, thouroughly, the different sexual positions.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Boy that was fun to write!lol I hope ye enjoyed it, please


	3. The Joys of Going to the Dentist

**Author's Note: **Hello again! Sorry if this is short, I really am. I'm working on another Faust story, just to let ye know. All I must do is to type it up and upload it. Please review, they would be greatly appreciated! xx

* * *

><p>Morty was nervous, he had that sick feeling in his stomach. He hated going to the dentist. They were…creepy to say at best. It was probably the idea of some stranger poking around in your mouth, sticking awkward needles into your tender gums and getting scraped by some piece of equipment.<p>

Morty hopped of his chair and rushed out of the waiting room and into the bathroom. He opened the lid of the toilet and emptied his stomach out. 'There goes breakfast,' he said shakily, wiping his mouth with toilet paper before dumping it into the toilet and flushing it.

He entered the waiting room and sat beside Jun, who had kindly offered to take him and give him support. As he sat down, she started to rub his back gently, concern clearly evident on her face. 'Morty, you don't look too good,' she spoke softly. 'Your nerves are getting the best of you. Shall I book another appointment…?'

Morty shook his head. 'No thanks,' he mumbled. 'I just want to get this over and done with…'

A pretty, petite brunette nurse entered and called Morty up. Jun wished him good luck as he dragged his feet on the floor, glumly following the nurse as if he had just gotten a death sentence. The kind nurse opened the door and motioned Morty to take a seat.

As Morty tried to make himself comfortable on the chair, the kind nurse spoke up. 'I'm afraid Mr. Takahashi is away today. But some kind gentleman has taken his place. Oh, here he is!'

Morty looked towards the door to see a certain necromancer thank the young nurse and close the door behind him. 'F-f-fausssst….?' Morty stuttered, his eyes bulging.

Faust smiled, adjusting the seat, causing Morty to jolt up. He slowly sat back down and squinted at the glaring lamp hovering over him. 'I thought you were a doctor…'

Faust's eyes closed slightly as he smiled under the surgical mask as he squirted a few drops out of the syringe to make sure it was fine. 'I can also qualify as a dentist,' he chuckled. 'Now open wide.'

Morty obeyed and hissed once the needle penetrated his gum and pumped in the anaesthetic. Within a few seconds he started to feel numb. He hated the dentist. He truly feared them. He hated strangers poking at his mouth, never mind Faust! Why Faust? Why not someone…normal… Morty began to mourn these thoughts as Faust took the liberty of grabbing hold of the tooth and started to try and yank it out.

The petrified dwarf gripped the handles of the chair so tight his knuckles started to become white. Eventually he didn't feel the tugging anymore. He could taste the slight bitter irony taste of his blood and the dry cotton wool roll. He rubbed his cheek and beamed. 'That wasn't so bad,' he exclaimed.

Faust stood there, looking at the extracted tooth. 'Morty…'

'I thought it was going to be worse!'

'Morty…'

'I didn't feel a thing!'

'Morty…'

'And to think I was worried!'

'Morty!' Faust shouted, making the dwarf look up at him.

'What is it Faust?' Morty asked innocently, a bit of drool travelling its way down his chin.

Faust grimaced and showed Morty the problem. 'Wrong tooth….'

'FAUST!'

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Hope ye enjoyed that! Please review!xxx


End file.
